These days

Haven't really been the same.
I miss my family.
I miss when my sister use to want to do things with the family.
If you wanna get away from your kids fine.
Honestly no one thinks you should've had them in the first place.
What do you want?
Sympathy?
Because you're a single mother of two?
Think of how our mom felt.
She dealt with you and the other sister when your dad was out to sea.
Look where she is now.
She's got three kids she wouldn't rather live without.
Stop trying to get sympathy and do what you need to.
Step up to the plate and be a women.
Do what you were taught and stand up for yourself.
Stop fending off other people.
I know it's hard.
But it's almost 2009 you gotta stop living off mom.
She cant do it anymore.
She barely has enough money to support me and dad.
You have a job, you gotta hold yourself up now.
It's gonna be hard.
But as your sister, I know you can do it.
I fell in your footsteps as a kid.
But I wont do it as an adult.
I love you I do but not with you like this.

Last night was horrible.
I got high with my best friend.
It was fun at the time of course.
But I look back and I don't want to be that person.
The one who has to be fucked up to have fun.
I wanna have fun just being young and stupid.

I'm sorry for hurting you.
I didn't mean to lie so much.
It just...happened.
I'm not over you.
There was something there.
I ruined all of it.
But you knew being 8 hours apart wasn't going to work.
I'm sorry.

Three days to Christmas.
And I feel like shit.
This has been a horrible year.
I don't wanna be single for Christmas.
But of course I will be.
It's okay nothing new there.

Last year I was asked out on Christmas night.
But I was later dumped exactly two weeks later.

What are the chances I'll have better luck this Christmas.
I mean yeah I met this amazing boy.
But you see,
He's stuck between me and this other girl.
He doesn't know which he's going to choose.
And it sucks to know I could be backup.
Of course I don't mind being best friends with him like we are now.
But I want to be able to call him mine and show him off.
And have little tickle fights and then kiss me when were done playing.

Maybe I'm asking for too much.
By asking for too little.
It's time to stop the crying and start the inhaling.