No matter what I do I can't win.

I'm so use to being treated shitty buy guys that when I'm treated nicely I feel uncomfortable and I don't like it.
It's like what the fuck do I do?
I don't like being treated like a princess, but I don't like being treated like trash.
I need help.


/:


FML.

Life

Just isn't the same anymore.
And i don't really understand why it had to turn out like this.
Everything seems to be going wrong.
My stupid ass sister is 3 months behind on lot rent and mortgage.
My niece and nephew are always fucking here.
My family hardly communicates.
I never hang out with anyone because I'm not good enough for my own friends anymore or so it seems.
Its just like fuck everything these days.
I've given up so many times that I'm about done giving up.
Done, over it, fuck it all.

You know theres somedays,

where I cant get my mind off of you.
Theres days I want to be with you again.
Theres days I listen our songs on repeat.
Days I want to meet you.
Days I want you to call me and say you miss me.
Ugh.


I messed up so bad when it comes to us.
I miss you so much.
When you talk to me I just want to say "I love you"
But I know you don't love me, not anymore at least.

/:

Since I cant say it to you personally, I'll say it here.
I love you Brandon Adrian Shipman <3

You fucking no good low life asshole

you fucking call yourself parents?
No, I don't fucking think so.
This is fucking disrespect to me and to my friends.
Telling me I cant use my own damn money to get my friend a ticket to Florida that I haven't seen in FOUR YEARS!
"Its been saved up for your car and your college"
Are you trying to fucking tell me my friend isn't worth my money?
You better take every damn word you said back because you better not even doubt me I will NEVER look at you the same anymore.
Not after this.
This is the last time you fuck me over.
After today you don't tell me what to do or when to do or what to do with what stuff.
I make my own fucking decisions from here on out.
Fuck your authority and fuck what you think.
You've got some nerve coming in MY room telling ME what to do with MY owning.
HA.
I laugh in your fucking face you dumb cunt.
I'm not your daughter anymore.
I'm simply someone related to you who you care for.
This is a big FUCK YOU.

I just want

to stop crying.

I'm tired of being such a big baby.
Why do I always have to be the one to get hurt.
Why can't I just be happy?
Just once.

You

are the worst best friend I've ever had in my entire life.

Im so tired of this.

My "best friends" would all rather hang out with you and be your best friend.
What the fuck does that leave me with?
It leaves me with a shitty ass best friend I've had for five years.
Who does nothing but tear me down and make me hurt.
You wouldn't of had about half your boyfriends if it wasn't for me introducing you to them.
You like every guy I've had a thing with.
They always liked you better.
Why?
I'm not really fucking sure.
Maybe I could ask them.
No fuck that.
And guess what?
FUCKYOU.
You seriously make me wanna end my life.
Why do I stay friends with you?
Simply because you have always been there for me.
And because I know you'll never leave my side.
God I hide it so well from you.
You never know I feel so strongly towards you.
And you will continue to not know.
Just fuck it.

BOOM!
I'm dead.

Why

me?
Just goddamnit.
Fuck sleep.
Fuck dreams.
I don't need it.
I survive without it.
Even if I go clinically insane.
I can't stop shaking.
Why did I tell him he was in it?
It doesn't matter.
He doesn't care.
He will end up saying something rude I don't wanna hear.
He hates me.
Why did I tell him he was in it?
There goes 8 more.
What is wrong with me.
Goddamnit.
Fuck it.
I'm done.